love

Words of Sorrow

I started on this poem in February and posted it here on my blog. It is about grief, mine mostly. It is very hard to lose a love one in the prime of life. 

It is about grief, mine mostly. It is very hard to lose a love one in the prime of life.

One year ago today my lovely and loved daughter Eryn Jan passed away from pneumonia. It has been hard. And now with the pandemic raging around the worlds, so many have been lost. Each number is not just that a number but a person whose life and breath touched many. Take care, and know that you are loved. 

The loss is great, almost too much for words. 
A great jaded wound has been ripped into your soul. 
Breathe in, 
   slowly, 
        breathe out, 
breathe
Look,       see,            numbness,           tears, 
              rendering of all thoughts
                                tear into your soul
wounds,         tears,     sobs,    hugs, 
       breathe
turn,     slowly,   look,     see, 
   breathe
Remember
the laugh,      twinkling chimes of merriment, 
    the touch,     the smiles
Remember to breathe, 
          remember to look,
   remember to see, 
                       breathe
Touch that what was precious
   be gentle in sorrow, it is hard
Hard on your soul, hard on your friend, hard, just as hard
   yet different
Yell,    cry,      yell,      talk,    feel,     cry,     sob, 
                      breathe
Negotiate a new day
   Negotiate your grief, 
          promise anything for one more day
one more touch,  one more whisper of their love, 
              it is all
   we have left.
Negotiate your peace, promise,
                  look in the eyes, 
   touch your soul with your eyes
Where silence is a luxury, 
     give it space,    touch 
whisper,     tears,             
             breathe
Peace, 
               a ways off, 
                           it comes oh so slowly, it comes 
in solace, in pink, in red, white, greens of the flowers, 
    the blue of the sky, it comes oh so slowly
Walk, slowly at first, everything is slow, thick like mud, cold, unreal, 
a trick, oh they must be wrong
  with Love, breathe, cry, breathe, walk, sob, cry, hope
With tears acknowledge the inevitable, gone with out you,
  one last good buy, words of love, of care, of solace
    a hug, gone and no more
tears, oh so cold, so uninvited morning, night, so many spaces in between, 
                        relentless,
    my heart heals with the passing of each saline drop, 
  slowly, so slowly, breathe, sleep, rest, go slow, one more drop
one more tear, the tare, the rent, the whole, just a bit less, 
  hidden in sorrow, hidden in the heart a healing place
for you to stay forever in my heart.

I love you always and I miss you always.  For ever, you mom.

For Eryn Jane Tremain 1984 – 2019